I originally posted this at BleedCubbieBlue this morning, but got kind of busy, and in spite of my injury, not sure how much typing I will be able to do later today, so I am being lazy and reposting it here.
It's an oft-said thing, to sacrifice something for something else. But what if it were true? This Cub fan takes the events of the last few days and ponders on whether it is worth giving up or hanging on.
I sat in the emergency room Sunday evening, and thought about the events of that day. Technically, I lay in the emergency room, staring at the ceiling above and listening to the conversation between two women in the "room" next to me, separated by only a musty looking curtain that had to be picked up on consignment. It reminded me of something I could see in my grandma's house as a young child. Their conversation about palmetto bugs, spiders, and the heebie-jeebie factor of each one, coupled with the hydrocodone and natural endorphins in my blood, lulled me into a sedate and tranquil rest.
I began thinking about baseball, and ultimately, the Cubs. I wondered what the result of the game was. I wondered about the Brewers, and Braves, and Padres, and every other team and scenario to help us improve a game. Pick up a game here, a half-game there, and the trade deadline. All of these thoughts ended abruptly when a jolt of pain shot down my arm. I opened my eyes to a nurse, pouring cold saline water on my thumb. She had a sweet smile and a soothing voice, but she was bringing the pain.
Prior to this day, I had never cut off a thumb before. In fact, I had never cut off any part of my body, generally because I have a very good relationship with my body. It allows me to put two feet on the floor every day and stand up, walk, eat, drink, and attempt to have sex with my wife fairly regularly. (For the stat heads, I am under the Mendoza line on my "batting average")
But this fateful day, when my left thumb and butcher knife got together for a one-on-one confrontation, the knife was the clear winner, and I sat pondering the pain, the throbbing, the fact that I won't be playing guitar for a while. I won't ever be a professional hitchhiker. I may offend someone with a "thumbs up" gesture. I might never throw a perfectly horizontal Frisbee path again. Hell, I might not ever be able to review a movie accurately.
But it wasn't all that bad. When it's all said and done, I will only be short about a 1/2" or so, and let's face it, according to my wife I am quite used to that, so that's no devastating blow.
And the last two days I have been able to stay home, elevate the hand, and watch Cubs baseball and SportsCenter until I am absolutely convince that Stuart Scott has had a stroke on the left side of his face and no one is man enough to tell him. It's not a lazy eye he has...that damn thing is just sorry.
I digress, however.
As I have reveled in blogging, ESPN, Cubs.com, and of course BleedCubbieBlue, I have found my mind wandering. One of the things I proudly proclaimed to my wife, much to her unbelievably predictable apathy, was the following:
If asked on Sunday if I would cut the end of my thumb off if the Cubs would be guaranteed a World Series victory this year, then the answer would be a resounding YES.
And my wife looked at me like I had just grabbed an 11-year old boy's ass.
Well, maybe I wouldn't want to cut it off again, as that is pretty traumatic, but would I give up the end of my thumb for a WS Championship? Abso-frickin-lutely. Only if Jessica Biel were doing the cutting off. Or that chick from the RGX Body Spray commercials. They are both yummy.
This led to some intrigue by Mrs. Florida Cubbie, who took advantage of my newfound honesty to posit some scenarios of her own, which were going nowhere fast:
Mrs: "Would you divorce me for a championship?"
Me: "No. Hell no. Never."
Mrs: "Would you sacrifice a hand or foot?"
Me: "Possibly. Left foot only. "
Mrs: "For the NL Championship?"
Me: "No way. All or none, baby."
Mrs: "Would you sell our house for a World Championship?"
Me: "Yes, way under market value"
Mrs: "Would you offer to sell me for sex to rich men several times a week?"
Me: Hell yes, if there were a market.
Damn, she threw me a curve ball. Now I have a black eye to go with my shortened thumb.
Either way, she went along with me on several of the questions, and we have agreed that if the Cubs go to the World Series, we will do whatever it takes, including a 2nd mortgage, to get tickets to a game. Wise? No. The right thing to do? Yes.
So, I don't know if this has ever been kicked around here, but it made me wonder...
What would you do for a World Series Championship? If God, Allah, Buddha, Spaghetti Monster, or whatever deity you may or may not believe in offered you the chance to sacrifice something for a Championship for the Cubbies, would you? And what would it be?
Ideally, maybe something bad that has actually happened in your life this year, that you really wish didn't happen (i.e. losing a thumb), but in hindsight maybe you would say, "Hey...I'd take this if I knew we would win it all!"
Yes, I am still bored today, but a big THUMBS UP to all who feel like participating! Even if you aren't a Cub fan, apply this same philosophy to your team.
I am not necessarily proposing anyone cut off a digit. It's painful, although there is a lot to be said for Lortab.
And a lot to not be said. Anyone who can become addicted to this stuff has deeper issues than chemical dependency. Like, addicted to stomach sickness.
I guess what I meant was, if something bad has already happened to you this year, and you had the option of taking it away or going back to before it happened, and fixing it, or just letting it go on as is and guaranteeing the WS championship, would you do it?
Fer instance...losing part of my thumb sucks -- no pun intended. But, as much as I would like to have it back, I am already through the worst part. Would I go back and redo it all? Nah...
Besides, I have already made up some good lies to tell folks as the years go by to make me look really tough.
Top 10 Lies Florida Cubbie will tell about his thumb to appear tougher:
10. Lost it in a bar fight, blindfolded, with a machete-wielding guy who thought I was Brad Pitt.
9. Stopped a bank robber by putting my thumb over the barrel of the gun, a la Bugs Bunny.
8. Got drunk at the Daytona 500, stood trackside during lap 133 and tried to thumb a ride.
7. Climbed out on the wing of an airplane with a stalled engine and spun-started (WTF?!? Is that proper english?) err...spin-started the prop before climbing back inside to land the plane myself, therefore saving an entire family of incredibly rich nymphomaniac blind pantie-models.
6. On a dare, laid my thumb on a train track to see if it would derail the train. It did.
5. Blocked a Chuck Norris kick with it.
4. While waiting for a Jacques Jones relay throw to dribble in to the infield, a starving carnivorous earthworm popped up from the ground and had a quick bite of lunch.
3. Stopped a radioactive nuclear meltdown at a power plant by plugging the hole in the reactor with my thumb -- for 9 days.
2. Mocked Roger Ebert in the presence of his twin brother, Richard, the 6-Time world champion ninja assassin.
1. Tried to retrieve a Hostess Twinkie cake out of Prince Fielder's mouth.
So, I can live with my injury, but it sure would make my year a lot better if we can take it on home and close it out, and revel in the streets of Wrigleyville for weeks in a drunken stupor, until just hearing a Steve Goodman song raises our blood-alcohol level to .28
Ahh...those will be the days.
Rock on, y'all are the best.
Florida Cubbie
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment